may bookshelf.

So, today I'm supposed to share my three worst traits with you all. Here they are, in no particular order:

• I have a terrible sweet tooth, a family tree riddled with diabetes, and almost no willpower to speak of.
• I tend to bite off more than I can chew. All the time.
• I have too much goshdarn pride and I don't like to admit that I've taken on more than I can handle.

So, yes: on that note of pride. I have been drowning in self-imposed overwhelm over the last few weeks, and I haven't really been very good at sticking to my plan to read a little bit everyday. I promise it will get better soon. For one thing, we have a long holiday weekend ahead and only three walls left to paint! I'm so anxious to put my home improvement projects behind me and relax into the third trimester: which officially begins in one week!

Here's a look at my bookshelf this month:

Past || Blog, Inc.: Blogging for Passion, Profit, and to Create Community by Joy Deangdeelert Cho
Present || All You Could Ask For by Mike Greenberg
Future || Jesus Feminist: An Invitation to Revisit the Bible's View of Women by Sarah Bessey
With the kid || What Do People Do All Day? by Richard Scarry

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So, what's sitting on your nightstand this month? I'm dying to know!

life's classroom.

All I need to know I've learned in life's classroom: book knowledge is wonderful but it hasn't brought me joy.

1. I don't need acceptance from anyone on this Earth. God says that He has set me apart, clothed me in His righteousness, and that I am dearly loved.

2. Simple gratitude can change a soul's poverty to true wealth.

3. Real love requires work: it is not effortless. Sometimes you must choose to love someone, and eventually your feelings will follow the actions of your hands and the words of your mouth.

4. I don't always know everything. Period.

5. Forgiveness does more to help me and my state of being rather than serving the person who committed an offense against me.

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What have you learned in life?

Day 23 conquered! Only 8 more to go.

amazing brownie recipe.

Why must you be so good, brownies?

Why can't you be no-calorie, zero fat brownies and still be just as delicious?!

I can't just eat one of you. It's ridiculous to expect me to stare at you all day and allow myself only a few small bites.

I'd totally bake you much more often if we could reach an agreeable compromise regarding nutrition content.

I still love you.

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I was craving brownies one day last week, so I found this recipe and knew I'd give it a try. I've made brownies from "scratch" before, but all recipes of the past now pale in comparison. I truly will never use another brownie recipe again.



I preheated the oven to 350 degrees. Then I melted the butter sticks in the microwave, and creamed in the sugars with the melted butter. In a stand mixer (not necessary, but Seth was dying to see it in operation!) I combined the rest of the ingredients with the sugar/butter mixture one at a time. Once it was mixed we poured the batter into our "Perfect Brownie Pan" (as seen on TV!) and baked those bad boys for thirty minutes.

Oh, golly. Were they ever worth the wait.

(Note: the original recipe calls for nuts, and specifies they are not to be omitted under any circumstance for maximum moisture. I didn't have nuts in my pantry. Sorry. But I can testify that the moisture of my brownies did not suffer.)

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While we're ranting....

Oh, "Perfect Brownie Pan"! You were a Christmas present. I did not choose you, and I simultaneously love and hate you. You do make sure my brownies have perfect edges. But you are a royal pain in my arse to clean. I'm debating whether or not I will ultimately keep you! There'd be no question at all if I had no problems getting all the brownie gunk off you after use. Shape up, or ship out! I'll go back to my imperfect brownies in a heartbeat if it happens again.

belly shots.

I'm begging out today. It's my first day to skip the prompt offered for Jenni's May blogging challenge, but I didn't want to miss posting altogether. What can I say?

First of all, my heart is heavy for the people affected by the tornado in Oklahoma yesterday. I've witnessed firsthand the devastation that a tornado can cause, and I feel so much pain for the people who have lost homes and loved ones.

Secondly, I spent the day yesterday wrapped up in finishing edits to a recent maternity session. I'm psyched about how they turned out! My most recent work has seemed geared more toward pregnancy and newborns, which is so appropriate for this season of my life (wouldn't you say?). I'm not keen on showing my subjects' faces on my personal blog, but here's some beautiful belly for you to see:

Both of these mamas are expecting girls, and their babes are on an "any day now" schedule as I write! It's so exciting to wait the final few weeks and days before meeting a new little one. Perhaps soon, I'll be called on to capture some precious baby girl faces.

I find so much irony in the fact I've been able to capture these womens' bellies but have no one to photograph my own. I've said before and I'll reiterate: I don't like being on the other side of the camera. I still would like to remember this: likely to be my final pregnancy. Perhaps I'll suck it up and hire someone... tripod selfies rarely cut it for me.

catch the bullet.

I realized this weekend that I am only two weeks away from my third trimester. So far, I've successfully dodged most of the thoughts and fears that have assailed me regarding the upcoming birth of my second child, but I realize that birth day is coming faster than I'd like to admit.

When I was pregnant with Seth, I went above and beyond preparing for his birth. I learned everything I could about birth physiology. I read countless birth stories. I learned self-hypnosis for childbirth and I prepped mentally and physically for a natural delivery.

Seth's birth was nothing like what I imagined. True to form, I remained doggedly determined to finish what I began (much like this 31-day blogging challenge) and brought my son into the world medication free. I'd read so much about how natural childbirth mothers have easier recoveries, a better chance to bond with their babies, natural endorphins to help ease discomforts...

I don't know if I missed the bus or what, but my real experience was much more traumatic that I liked to admit at the time.

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It's an unfortunate fact that women tend to judge each other very harshly based on things that really don't matter- the mentality begins in girlhood and translates in different ways over time... until one day, we're mothers and we're throwing insults at each other for decisions that are very personal in nature.

You should hire a midwife and have a homebirth.

You should schedule a cesarean.

I can't believe you didn't try to breastfeed.

I can't believe you breastfeed in public.

I can't believe you weaned your baby at two months old.

Always feed your baby his first solid foods at four months.

Never feed your baby solid foods until he is a year old!

Circumcise!

Circumcision is child abuse!
 
You better not let your child watch television or play with plastic toys.

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I have no room to judge a mother for accepting epidural pain medication during labor... let me tell you, birth is hard. No matter what, you can't control how it goes.

Yes, I am planning to have another natural birth. Maybe I am a glutton for punishment. Maybe I remain fully convinced that God designed my body to deliver a child to this earth without man-made interventions that screw up the perfectly imperfect process.

Nothing can change the fact I am terrified.

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I'm the original Mrs. Independent, and I decided not to hire a doula (professional labor assistant) the first time. Eric turned out to be phenomenal labor support, but I'm definitely bringing someone else to the birth team this time.

I met her yesterday. She brings her own experience and the ability to fully sympathize to the table. Her eyes are kind and compassionate, and I'm already sure that she'll be able to give me the nudges of encouragement I'm sure to need.

As we sat in the cafe yesterday afternoon, chatting with each other about birth and motherhood and easily letting time slip around us until the day was nearly gone, I was sure again that I can do this.

I'm still staring down the barrel of this gun, but I have the willpower to catch the bullet and absorb the force of what's sure to come into my life history without letting it overpower me.